Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
