I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you will always have a special place in my vag
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
