i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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