when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
