she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
