It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
