He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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