Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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