This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
