She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
