this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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