The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Michael Bay diarrhea
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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