All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
