1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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