I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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