The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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