Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
