Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
