It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
