Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
bring money and cleavage
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
