I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
