I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
that is very illegal...i love you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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