My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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