watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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