he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
