sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
