i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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