I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize