We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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