when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
