i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
