someone get that fucking seahorse.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
