yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
