Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
