My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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