Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I will pee on everything he values.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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