would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
