do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
