Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
