I feel like abortions should bother me more
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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