i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
