Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
