I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
