Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
