you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
