i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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