god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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