Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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