hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
