it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
