its not stalking. its research.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
