Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
