everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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