My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
