Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize