3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
