for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
