I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
