We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
