Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
