Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How does one acquire holy water?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
