I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
