It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
