any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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