wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize