last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
