Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
