life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
