So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
