The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
