You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
