is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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