I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
