i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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