Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
