I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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