at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
