People in love make me want to vomit
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize