i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
