I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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