She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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