Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
